A JC Inner Light
by 50of47
Summary: An AU VOY/TNG crossover. What if it was Kathryn Janeway who received a 40-year memory download from an unknown probe, rather than Jean-Luc Picard? Set a few days after the conclusion of "Resolutions."
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: The Voyager Universe: Paramount's. This story idea and its J/C departure from canon: mine. Profit: I wish. My thanks to Morgan Grendel and Peter Allan Fields, who wrote the teleplay for "The Inner Light."

RATING: PG

SUMMARY: An AU VOY/TNG crossover. What if it was Kathryn Janeway who received a 40-year memory download from an unknown probe, rather than Jean-Luc Picard? This story takes place several days after Voyager retrieves Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay from New Earth.

A J/C Inner Light

Teaser

_Captain's Log, Stardate 49944.1. We're back on course for the Alpha Quadrant after taking a few days to run a magnetic wave survey of an unusual trinary star cluster. It's probably too much to ask that our remaining journey through Kazon space remain this uneventful, with Seska having left Voyager to join First Maj Cullah and the Nistrim, but for the moment, we are enjoying our respite from having to contend with that hostile sect._

*****

Voyager, 2372

Bridge

The mood on Deck 1 was lighthearted as Captain Janeway leaned back in her command chair and regaled her Bridge crew with amusing tales about her dealings with Starfleet brass and their particular foibles.

"The last time I encountered Admiral Gustafson," she said, "I ended up spending nine straight hours at the opera."

A loud groan came from the Engineering station to Janeway's right, followed by the stunned question, "Nine hours?"

"The entire 'Ring' cycle at one sitting," said Janeway, as she turned to smirk at an aghast B'Elanna Torres.

Chakotay laughed sympathetically and said, "That's a little too much Wagner for me."

"And for me," Janeway replied, "but not, apparently, for Admiral Gustafson. She went back the next day and sat through it all again. I warned her that the next time…"

Tuvok interrupted the narrative. "Captain, sensors detect an unidentified object twenty-two thousand kilometers off the port quarter."

"On screen." Janeway was immediately all business as she stood and walked toward the viewscreen, stopping to stand just behind the helm. An alien device of unusual shape appeared, although still at a considerable distance.

"Magnify."

The object came into greater relief. It was compact, having a squat cylindrical body with a triangular fin at both top and bottom. A shiver ran down Janeway's spine, but she shook off the strange sense of foreboding. She glanced over her shoulder at Ops. "Mr. Kim?"

"It appears to be a probe of some kind, but there is no Starfleet record of this shape or design," said Harry Kim.

Chakotay turned to Tactical and asked, "Is it scanning us?"

"No, sir," responded Tuvok, "but it has assumed a relative position and is holding course with us."

"The probe is composed of paricium and talgonite, a ceramic alloy," reported Kim.

"Not a very sophisticated technology," said Torres, as she studied the image on the viewscreen from her station.

Tuvok said, "Captain, I'm detecting a low level nucleonic beam coming from the probe."

"Shields up; stand by phasers," ordered Chakotay.

"The beam is scanning the shield's perimeter," said Kim. He frowned, and then continued, "The probe is emitting an unusual particle stream."

"Captain, the beam is penetrating our shields," said Tuvok.

A glowing red point at the apex of the probe's top fin flared briefly, and then the probe emmitted a sudden flash of light. Janeway began, "Increase speed to…," and then stiffened and staggered backward, as through struck.

Chakotay was out of his chair like a shot. He caught her as she sagged and began to lose consciousness.

"Captain?" he asked, as he cradled her head with one hand to protect it while he gently lowered her to the deck. "Captain, I've got you;" he said, "it's all …"

Janeway looked up at him, and the last thing she saw before her surroundings dissolved into a blinding white light was his concerned face leaning in close to hers. Several long moments later, when the brightness finally dissipated and her vision cleared, Janeway found herself staring up at an unfamiliar middle-aged man with olive skin and black hair. He leaned over her, blotting her forehead with a moist towel. As she looked into his warm brown eyes, she thought of how much he reminded her of Chakotay. The man smiled, and his face became a thing of radiance.

"Well, finally," Alain said, cupping Janeway's face with his hand.

Janeway slowly became aware that she was lying in a deep and comfortable reclining chair in the modest but well-kept and inviting main room of a home. Her eyes were dazzled by the bright sunlight pouring into the white-walled room through clerestory windows as she looked around, obviously confused. She was able to make out a wide archway in front of where she was lying. There was an equally wide step up into a large hallway that led to the rest of the home, and off to one side of the hallway, a foyer that undoubtedly led to a front entry.

"How are you feeling?" asked Alain, as he gently stroked her face with the moist towel. "Kamina, can you answer me?"

Janeway sat up as she continued her observation of the simply furnished room. She was still groggy and disoriented. "What is this?"

A frown of concern crossed Alain's face. "You're still feverish," he said.

Janeway continued to survey her surroundings while she attempted to regain control of her faculties. Everything she saw was alien and unfamiliar, which made her wonder if she might be in a holodeck program.

"Computer, freeze program," she ordered. When nothing happened, she threw off the blanket covering her and said, "End program." Getting to her feet, she automatically reached for her communicator. "Janeway to _Voyager_—" She felt nothing on her chest for her to tap. When she looked down, she saw that she wore a simple, flowing dress in a style unlike anything she owned or had seen on any Delta Quadrant world she had visited.

Alain took Janeway's arm as he tried to persuade her to sit back down in the chair again. "Kamina, please don't get up yet," he said. "You're still not well."

Janeway shook him off, and spoke in her strongest command voice. "I asked you – what is this place?"

Alain looked at her with loving concern. "This… is your home, of course," he said, as he smiled and lightly caressed her shoulder.

Janeway only stared at him, his words making utterly no sense.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: See Teaser.

ACT ONE

Ressik, 1372 by Earth's calendar

Janeway continued to circle the room to examine it, as a troubled Alain trailed after her. It was full of light, with simple, straight-lined grey wooden furniture. There were dark wooden abstract sculptures on the wall near the step to the upper level, and vases with flowers in several places around the room. Through the archway, she could see a large abstract-patterned tapestry that hung in back of a long narrow grey table. The tapestry's earth tone color scheme complemented the furnishings and wall sculpture of the main room.

"Where is my uniform?" Janeway asked, as she began to pace. "My communicator?"

Alain's concern deepened. "I'd better call the doctor again," he said, worry clearly written on his face.

Janeway stopped and turned to face him. "I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship _Voyager_. I would like to speak with whoever is in charge here."

Her strange words frightened Alain. "If you'll just lie down, I'll brew you some nice warm kenomay," he said.

"Just tell me this," Janeway insisted. "Am I a prisoner here?"

Alain's eyes widened in alarm. "Please, dear," he said. "You've had a high fever for three days. You mustn't push yourself too quickly."

As she spoke with Alain, Janeway managed to gradually edge further back toward the archway and onto the upper level. She looked to her left and into the foyer she had noticed earlier, where she saw another tapestry hanging in back of a bench. A lighted panel in an adjoining wall next to a door covered with geometric grillwork caught her eye, and she stepped down into the foyer and pressed a small metallic square in the panel's center. The door opened at her touch.

"You really shouldn't go outside" said Alain.

Janeway walked cautiously through the open door, slightly unsteady on her feet, and stepped out into a modest courtyard dappled with sunlight. She stopped to survey her surroundings, shading her eyes against the brightness. The home's smooth, pale surface reminded her of Mediterranean villas she had stayed in on Earth. She took note of the carefully tended garden, blooming with unfamiliar alien flora.

Alain stood in the doorway of the house, watching as Janeway made her way out of the courtyard. "Kamina, please come back inside," he said. Alain followed briefly, and then stopped in frustration when he realized that she wasn't paying any attention to him.

*****

Janeway walked down several streets lined with more white stucco-covered dwellings similar to the one she had just left. The murmur of a crowd caught her ear, and she followed the sound, passing through an arcade on her way toward what appeared to be the town square. Several children ran past her, and a young woman crossed her path and waved and smiled in recognition. Janeway nodded a greeting to the stranger.

She stayed under the shaded arcade and watched the assembled townspeople and a genial looking man in his 50's named Batai standing in the middle of the gathering. He had just finishing planting a young tree, and was kneeling, busy tamping down the earth around it before rising to address the group.

"This sapling is planted as an affirmation of life," Batai said, "in defiance of the drought and with expectations of long life. Whatever comes, we will keep it alive, as a symbol of our survival."

The group applauded. Batai spotted Janeway on the edge of the crowd as she moved out from under the arcade and toward him. He waded through the townspeople to reach her.

"Kamina! You're back on your feet!" he said with happy relief. "How do you feel, my friend?"

"Are you in charge here?" Janeway asked.

Batai was slightly taken aback by the brusque tone of the question. "In charge?"

Janeway planted her feet and placed her hands on her hips. "I want to be returned to my ship immediately," she demanded.

The people surrounding them reacted to her words with curious glances. Batai moved closer to Janeway, and asked quietly, "What ship is that?"

The honest confusion in the man frustrated Janeway. She looked around at the listening townspeople, took a breath, and tried again in a softer tone. "Please, just tell me -- what is this place? Where am I?"

Batai stared at her for a moment, and then had an insight. "The fever – it's taken your memory."

Janeway stared back at him. She was very annoyed by her inability to get straight answers from anyone, and decided to take a different strategy. Smiling a bit ruefully, she said, "That must be it. Perhaps you can help me."

"Anything, my friend," Batai said.

"My name is Kamina, and you are?"

He was once more on his guard at the strange question, but answered, "Batai." When Janeway failed to respond to that, Batai added, "Council Leader Batai."

"Ah, Batai. And you say I've been ill," said Janeway.

"For over a week. Alain should've put you in the hospital, but he insisted on caring for you himself."

"Alain…," Janeway said, waiting for Batai to fill in the blank for her.

"Your husband," Batai responded, with a slightly incredulous expression on his face. He then smiled and chuckled, saying, "If you don't remember _that_, maybe it's safer not to go home."

Janeway allowed herself a smile. She was finally getting information, even if it didn't correlate with what she knew her real life on _Voyager_ to be. "And… what is this place?" she asked.

Batai was on edge again, alarmed by his friend's apparent total memory loss. "Perhaps you should see the doctor."

"No. Please," Janeway said. "I'm sure it will come back to me."

Batai indicated their surroundings with a sweeping gesture. "This is the community of Ressik. Northern province."

"What planet?"

Batai was mystified for a moment, and then took Janeway's arm. "Come," he said. "Let me take you back home."

Janeway shook him off. "No, really, I'm quite all right," she said. "If you'll just answer me. What planet? "

Batai carefully said, "This is the planet Kataan."

"Katann… not a Federation planet."

Batai looked at her, puzzled. The townspeople surrounding the two of them had continued to follow the curious exchange. Janeway looked at individual faces in the crowd and gave them her best reassuring smile.

"I… uhmm… think I'll just take a walk," she said.

Batai hesitated for a moment, not wanting to embarrass his friend, and then said, "But you've been ill for a week."

"Exercise will do me good," said Janeway. "I'd like to… reacquaint myself with the surroundings."

She nodded to Batai and the crowd, and then began to stride purposefully out of the square. Batai stared after her, along with the mystified townspeople.

*****

Janeway roamed the hills beyond the town for hours, searching for clues to what she felt was her mysterious abduction. She climbed a small ridge to look out over the town of Ressik, its pale buildings rising out of the hillside they were built upon as though they had always been there. She stood for some time on the ridge, visually tracing the course of the wide river that wound through the green countryside and past the town, and staring at the mountains in the distance beyond it. After a long time spent studying her surroundings, Janeway climbed down and went on her way to explore the area further.

*****

Nightfall. In the softly-lit living area, Alain sat at a small table idly stirring a bowl of soup. He heard the door chime, and jumped up to activate the mechanism that would open it. Janeway stood there, very tired.

"Thank goodness," Alain said, as he ushered her in. She walked past him without a word, and settled into the chair she had awoken in earlier, grateful to be off her feet.

"I've had people out trying to find you everywhere," Alain said. "Why did you worry us like that?"

Janeway remained silent. He tried again. "Are you hungry?"

"Hungry, thirsty, exhausted," Janeway answered. "I suppose that proves this isn't a dream, doesn't it?

Alain stared at her, stunned. It was a moment before he could find his voice to ask, "You think this – your _life_ – is a dream?"

The note of anguish in his voice touched Janeway's heart, and she tried to soften her reply as much as she could. "This is not my life. I know that much."

A stricken Alain turned away quickly, so that she would not see him blinking away tears. He walked over to a small kitchen area along one wall and filled a bowl for her. "I've kept something hot for you," he said, returning with soup, which he handed to her as he asked, "Where did you go?"

"I walked," she said. "For hours." Hoping to forestall more questions, Janeway picked up her utensil and took a spoonful of the soup. She sniffed at it unobtrusively before putting it in her mouth, and wished momentarily that she had a tricorder to check if it was safe for her to eat.

"And you just out of bed." Alain took a seat opposite her, grateful to have her back, devotion shining in his eyes.

Janeway focused her attention entirely on eating her supper, savoring every mouthful. They remained in silence until she said, "It's delicious."

"You always say that," he said with a smile.

She looked up at him, reminded of her apparent history with this man. Janeway decided to approach him again for more information. "Would you try to… answer some questions for me? No matter how strange they might seem to you?"

"Of course."

"Are there other planets in this star system?" she asked. "Do you visit other systems?"

Alain just gaped at her, shocked.

She could easily understand his response, given the level of development of the community and its surroundings that she had observed earlier during her exploration. She decided that a less direct line of questioning might yield better results. "All right. Do you have a communication system here? How do you send messages to other communities? Other places?"

"The usual way – by voice-transit conductor," Alain responded, pleased that he could at least answer this question. "Do you want to send a message?"

"Umm hmm. Yes. When can that be arranged?"

Alain shrugged. "Tomorrow." He watched Janeway continue to eat her soup for a moment, and then asked, "Don't you want to ask about… us?"

Janeway again caught the note of anguish in his voice, and her face softened. She rested the hand holding the spoon on the table momentarily. "Of course. Anything you could tell me would be helpful. We umm…" She played with her soup for a moment before asking, "We are married?"

Alain nodded, clearly in pain that she had no recollection of this. "Three years ago. The happiest day of my life was the day we got married," he said. Alain paused for a moment and smiled. "You're probably tired of hearing it, but I've loved you since I was seven years old. That's when I decided I was going to marry you, and no one was going to change my mind." He reached out and covered her hand with his. "I'm glad I was so stubborn."

Janeway stared at him. His warmth and sincerity were obvious, but his manner made her uncomfortable about questioning him further. She awkwardly tried to return to her agenda. "And what do I do, here in Ressik?"

"You're the best iron weaver in the community," he said, with great pride. "At least I think so. You prefer playing the flute, of course."

"The flute?" Janeway was puzzled. Her sister Phoebe was the artistic and musical one in the family; she was the scientist.

"Yes," said Alain. He rose and went to a nearby bureau to retrieve the instrument. Janeway took it from him, and turned it over in her hands. It vaguely resembled a tin flute; but was otherwise completely unfamiliar.

"When did I learn to play it?"

Alain laughed and said, "I'm afraid you've never learned, dear. You do keep trying."

Janeway put the flute to her mouth and attempted to play a few notes. After several metallic squeals and sour notes, she smirked and said, "I see what you mean," as she set the instrument down. "Thank you for the soup, and thank you for your help," she said. "Tomorrow, will you help me to send a message?"

Alain gave her an indulgent smile. He felt comfortably back on familiar ground now that his wife wasn't saying strange things anymore, and it was enough for the moment. "Of course," he said, taking her hand. "Now, will you come to bed?"

Janeway tensed. She looked toward the wide hallway in front of her, surmising that it most likely led to a bedroom, and then leaned further back into the reclining chair and made herself comfortable. "Oh, I'll sleep here," she said.

"Kamina, please come with me," Alain said, with genuine concern in his voice.

Janeway tried diplomacy to ease the awkwardness of her situation. "I've been sick. I'll be tossing and turning. It wouldn't be fair to you."

Alain smiled and said, "Let me be the judge of that." He moved toward her, leaning over her and stroking her arms to persuade her, and as he did, his shirt fell further open.

Janeway's eyes were drawn to a medallion on a chain around his neck. It was an exact miniature of the probe she had seen on_Voyager's _viewscreen earlier. She stared at it for a moment, and then taking it in her hand, she asked, "Where did you get this?"

Alain was taken aback. "Kamina, it's the first gift you ever gave me."

*****

Voyager, 2372. 

Bridge

"I've got you. It's all right," Chakotay said, as he gently finished lowering Janeway to the deck, his hand still supporting her head. He knelt over the motionless figure of his Captain for a moment and then raised his voice to engage the comm system.

"Chakotay to Sickbay. The Captain's been hurt."


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: See Teaser.

ACT 2

Voyager remained at stationkeeping as the Bridge crew scrambled to deal with the crisis the alien probe had created. Tuvok and Kim remained at their stations, monitoring the device. Baytart had taken the helm when Tom Paris had grabbed the emergency medkit stowed under his console and rushed over to where Janeway lay unconscious on the deck. Chakotay knelt in close attendance, with Torres standing beside him. She had removed her uniform jacket, folded it, and placed it under the Captain's head, while Paris used the tricorder from the emergency medkit to take preliminary readings. He looked up with an expression of relief when the EMH materialized on the bridge via recently installed holoemitters. The turbolift doors opened and Kes rushed out, carrying emergency equipment.

"The nucleonic beam is no longer scanning, Commander," said Kim. "There is a narrow reciprocating band focused directly on the Captain."

Chakotay glanced up and said, "Torres, start scanning the probe for any identifying marks, anything that might tell us where it came from."

"Understood," she answered, as she quickly crossed the deck to her Engineering station and began inputting commands.

Meanwhile, the EMH had verified Paris' preliminary data and done further scans. "Pulse and blood pressure normal," he reported. He frowned at the data on his medical tricorder. "I'm getting hyperactive fibrogenic activity. This is odd…"

"What is it?" asked Chakotay.

"There's no evidence of injury or trauma," said the Doctor, continuing to scan Janeway. "Vital signs are normal, but neurotransmitter production is off the scale. What's going on?"

Chakotay gestured in frustration toward the object on the viewscreen and said, "That probe is doing something to her. Anything yet, Kim?"

"No, sir. The particle emission is very unusual. I'm unable to block it."

"We should destroy the probe," said Tuvok. "Phasers are armed and ready."

The Doctor looked up from his scan and said, "I don't think that's wise. Not until we know exactly what it's doing to her."

"Agreed," said Chakotay. "Stand down phasers, Mr. Tuvok." The Tactical Officer reluctantly obeyed the order. "In the meantime," Chakotay continued, "take us out of range, Baytart. Thrusters only. One hundred kph, nice and easy."

"Aye, sir."

_Voyager_ slowly moved away from the probe. Chakotay gave the maneuver a few moments and then asked, "Mr. Kim?"

"The probe is moving with us, sir – holding relative position."

The EMH looked up from his readings and said, "It's connected itself to her, like a tether."

Chakotay glanced from the viewscreen to Janeway, and then back again. He looked perplexed as he considered his next possible move from several options.

*****

Ressik, 1377 by Earth's calendar

Five years later, Janeway sat in the courtyard of her home, holding a sextant which she was using to shoot the sun. She took a measurement and recorded her findings in a journal lying on a table in front of her. She held the instrument up to her eye again, continuing her study. Alain came from the house and approached his wife, who was completely absorbed in her work. He watched her silently for a moment, aware of her intense preoccupation, before he moved toward her and leaned on the back of her chair.

"You've been dreaming of that starship of yours again, haven't you?" he asked. She lowered the instrument and turned toward him. They'd had this conversation many times before.

"I'm just charting the progress of the sun's movements," she replied. She turned away to write again and said, "Might give a clue to the cause of this drought."

Alain reached over to lightly stroke her back and then circled to one side, looking up at the sky as he spoke. "I think you're still trying to figure out where you are… where that ship of yours is… what you can do to get back to that life." He came over and sat down next to her.

Janeway sighed and set the sextant down. "The memory's five years old now, but it's still inside me." She shrugged and said, "My other existence may be gone, but I still wonder about it."

Alain regarded her solemnly, and then stood to idly circle the courtyard, occasionally breaking off a dead flower or branch now and then as he walked. The garden had deteriorated over the intervening five years. Where once there had been abundant flowering vegetation, small sickly plants without blossoms now grew.

"Was your life there so much better than this?"

She gave him a sharp look. Undaunted, he persisted.

"So much more gratifying, so much more fulfilling, that you cling to it with such stubbornness?" he persisted.

"Alain…" She turned to him.

"It must have been extraordinary," he said, "but never once in all the stories you've told me have you mentioned anyone who loved you as I do."

Janeway turned away, her face pained. He was right – she had never spoken to him about Chakotay. Although Janeway had locked away her memories of Chakotay's 'angry warrior' legend once they were back aboard Voyager, she knew full well how intense his feelings for her were. To Alain, Janeway simply said, "It was real. It was as real as this is, and you can't expect me to forget a lifetime spent there."

"Yes, I can," he insisted.

She looked over at him in surprise. There was a new sound of determination in his voice.

"I've been patient, Kamina," he said. "For five years I have shared you with that other life. I've listened, I've tried to understand, and I have waited." He came over and sat down beside her again. "When do I get you back?"

Janeway remained silent, fully understanding his frustration. "I know this has been hard for you," she said, reaching over to take his hand.

"It's not as though it hasn't been interesting," Alain continued, "all this talk about starships and distant planets. I have never been bored." His face took on a troubled expression as he said, "But I have been lonely, knowing that your heart is really somewhere else."

Janeway sighed and said, "You have been amazingly tolerant."

"When will you let go? When will you start living _this_ life?" He looked at her with anguish. "When are we going to start a family?"

Janeway remembered a shelter on a stormy plant, and a man who told her that he was unwilling to sacrifice the present for a future that might not come. Before she could shake herself loose from the flood of memories unleashed by Alain's questions, a hail came from behind her.

"Kamina, Alain!"

They turned to see Batai approaching them, smiling and genial as always. "Good morning!" he called out.

"Good morning, Batai," responded Janeway. Alain remained uncharacteristically silent.

"Well, are you ready? The Administrator has already arrived," said Batai.

"Yes." She turned to Alain. "Will you come along?"

"No, thank you. You do very well on your own," he said, with an edge to his voice. They watched as he stood and walked back into the house. Janeway frowned and turned back to Batai, who smiled with understanding.

"He always was strong-minded," Batai said, "even as a child." That said, they turned and left the courtyard to walk toward the town square.

"It isn't his fault," Janeway said, looking away. "These last few years have been difficult for him."

Batai gave her a searching glance and said, "And for you, I think." Janeway drew a sharp breath, but did not acknowledge the comment.

*****

They reached the town square, where a group of people was gathered near the sapling planted five years earlier. By this time, it had matured into a healthy small tree. The Administrator, a youngish man in distinctive official garb, stood there inspecting it. Janeway remained on the edge of the crowd as Batai approached the Administrator. The official turned to him and said, "There you are, Batai. Perhaps you can explain to me, when crops are dying all over, how this tree is flourishing?"

Batai smiled and explained with pleasure. "This tree is our symbol, our affirmation of life. Everyone in this town gives a part of their water rations to keep it alive." He paused for a moment to judge the effect of his words on the Administrator, and then continued. "We have learned, Administrator, that hope is a powerful weapon against anything, even drought."

The Administrator turned an assessing eye on Batai and nodded his acceptance. The young man was a skilled politician, and had learned not to interfere too drastically in local government.

"A good point," he said. "Perhaps I shall recommend a symbolic tree in each of my communities." The Administrator then smiled broadly and asked, "Now. What business do we have today?"

"We need help if we're to increase the water supply," Batai said. "We think there are ways to reclaim some of our water."

The Administrator hastened to reassure him. "Batai, you're being a bit of an alarmist. True, we're in a drought, but water rationing has produced a sizable saving."

Janeway could no longer keep quiet. She approached the two men and said, "If the weather pattern doesn't change, rationing won't be enough. We'll run out of water."

The Administrator looked at Janeway in some surprise, and then turned to Batai to ask, "Who's this?"

"Kamina, sir."

The name was unfamiliar to the Administrator. "Kamina… Do I know you?"

"No. I haven't spoken to you before."

The Administrator smiled, recognizing a new constituent when he saw one. "Well, Kamina, I'm open to all the people of this town," he said. "I'm delighted to hear what you have to say. Did you have a specific proposal?"

"I suggest we build atmospheric condensers which could extract water from the air," Janeway replied.

The Administrator chuckled a little. He then spoke in a charming, non-committal manner, with a slightly condescending undertone. "Well. Very ambitious. Kamina, was it? And your occupation is…"

"Iron weaving," said Janeway, "and playing the flute."

He looked sharply at her, not sure if she was putting him on, but Janeway kept a completely serious face. The Administrator hurried to soothe any feathers he'd ruffled. "I don't mean to quash your very creative ideas," he said, "but building atmospheric condensers would be a monumental undertaking. We could not hope to sustain such a project."

"Each community would be responsible for its own," Janeway explained. "Condensers could mean the difference between watering our crops, or watching them die."

The Adminstrator was too experienced politically to either commit to this plan or get into an involved discussion over it. He smiled agreeably and stonewalled. "Well, I'll be glad to pass along your suggestion. You'll see that this kind of participatory government works for everybody." He nodded his farewell to the group, and said genially, "Be well, Batai. I shall see you next month."

He said to Janeway in a cool voice, "Good to meet you, Kanina," and then turned and strode away to his next appointment. Janeway winced at the mispronunciation of her name. She knew that it was not intentional, just carelessness, but it indicated the man's superficial interest in her and her proposal. It stung, nevertheless.

"Go carefully, Administrator," Batai called after him. He turned back to Janeway, who continued to stare after the man in some disbelief. "That went very well," he said. "I think he was impressed with you."

Janeway had to chuckle at Batai's comment, but said with a trace of bitterness, "There'll be no atmospheric condensers."

"These things take time, but it will happen. I'm sure of it."

Rather than pursue the subject further, Janeway clapped Batai on the shoulder and said, "Come to dinner tonight, my friend. I'll ask Alain to make that vegetable stew you like so much. Let's talk about building our own condenser."

Batai accepted the invitation, squeezing her shoulder affectionately. As Janeway started toward home, he called out, "Kamina…" She turned back to him.

"Hearing you talk to the Administrator, I realized that for the first time in years, you were speaking as though you were truly a member of the community," he said. "It was good to hear that again." He nodded and walked off.

Janeway stood near the symbolic tree, looking after Batai until he disappeared from sight. She remained there for several minutes while she fully absorbed his statement.

*****

Later that evening, Batai nursed a cool beverage as he sprawled across one of the benches under a tree in the courtyard of Kamina and Alain's home,. A barefoot Janeway sat on the next to last step of a flight of stairs that led up to the balcony level of her home. She played her flute, not especially well, with the melody she was trying to coax from the instrument not quite recognizable. Nevertheless, her playing showed marked improvement from five years earlier. She hit a few sour notes and stopped, working her fingers over the holes to practice her fingering.

"You've been brooding behind that flute all evening," said Batai.

"I'm not brooding. I'm immersed in my music," Janeway said with a smirk.

"Music…"

Janeway looked up from the instrument. "I find that it helps me think," she said with a smile. "But the real surprise is that I enjoy it so much."

Batai gave a small laugh and said, "No… the real surprise is that you may actually be improving."

Alain joined in the laughter as he emerged from within the home. "Batai?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Go home," said Alain, leaning over to clap his friend on the shoulder.

"Yes, sir," Batai said and handed over his glass. He rose and bid Kamina good night and nodded to Alain as he then departed.

Alain reached down to pick up the shoes that Janeway had flung aside earlier, and slapped them together to draw his wife's attention. "Don't forget these," he said. "I won't pick them up for you again."

"Yes, sir," she answered with a smirk.

Alain gave her a sidelong glance, and saw that she was teasing him. He smiled back and said, "I've done nothing but nag today. I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who's sorry," she answered. Janeway paused a moment and then admitted, "Everything you said this morning was absolutely right." Alain stared at her, surprised. She looked up at him and continued. "I've given you so little, and you have given me so much – tenderness, patience, and a good talking to when I needed it." Janeway looked away for a few moments. "You've been more than I could ever have hoped for. More than I deserve."

Hearing these unaccustomed and much longed for words, Alain hastened to her side. "You're a good woman, a wonderful wife. I didn't mean to imply…"

Janeway reached up to touch his mouth gently with her fingertips. "No, not such a wonderful wife," she said. She rested her hand on his shoulder, musing as she spoke. "I spend my spare time charting the stars; disappear for days at a time exploring the countryside. My life is very much as it was… before." Janeway looked at him with a sheepish smile as she said, "Old habits."

"You're gentle and kind," Alain said. "You've never raised your voice to me."

Janeway looked away again and said, "I'd like to ask if it would be too much trouble for you to build something for me."

"Kamina, I've built your telescope, your laboratory – you know it's no trouble for me to build something new."

Janeway ducked her head shyly and then glanced up at him again as she said, "In this case, I think I need to ask."

"What is it?"

She looked deep into his eyes and said, "A nursery."

Alain was taken completely by surprise. After a few moments to digest the enormity of the request, his face beamed.

"Really?" he whispered. He clasped his hands and took a few steps back, as if unable to believe her words. "Really?" he asked again.

"Unless you would rather have a porch," Janeway said as she stood. "It'd certainly be easier to build, and you could make a start on it right away."

"No… no," Alain said, and then laughed and flung his arms around her as she smiled. Then, tenderly and lovingly, Janeway took his face in her hands and stood on tiptoe to kiss his soft, full mouth.

*****

Voyager, 2372

Bridge

The EHM hovered over Janeway, who still lay unconscious on the deck. Kes emerged from the turbolift, bringing more diagnostic equipment from Sickbay. Paris left Janeway's side only long enough to set up the various monitors and other apparatus.

"She's showing heightened activity in the cerebral cortex," said the Doctor.

"Pulse and blood pressure are slightly elevated," said Kes.

"Systemic activity?"

"Increasing. And I'm getting heightened tactile responses."

"Set up a galvanic scan," said the Doctor. Kes adjusted the diagnostic equipment and continued to monitor the Captain's vital signs while Paris set up the scan.

"Torres, any progress identifying the probe?" asked Chakotay.

"Maybe," said Torres. "I've picked up some residue on the probe's shell. I think it came from the propulsion system. It looks like it used a solid propellant as fuel."

"Solid propellant?"

"Sensors read this stuff as crystalline emiristol," answered Torres. "It produces a radioactive trail that ought to be traceable."

"Then we should be able to send out a probe of our own," said Chakotay. "Trace it back to its point of origin."

"I'll get on it."

"Commander, I've been analyzing the nucleonic beam," said Kim. "I believe it would be possible to reflect the particles back toward the probe in a way that would disrupt the signal."

Chakotay turned to EMH with a tough question. "Doctor?"

"I don't know what it's doing to her, or what'll happen if we stop it," said the Doctor. "I simply don't know the risk of shutting down the beam."

"She could be dying by inches."

The EMH reassured him. "Her vital signs are stable. There's no indication she's in a life-threatening situation."

"I'm not willing to let that thing keep drilling into her," said Chakotay.

"If somebody gets stabbed, you don't necessarily pull the knife out right away," said the Doctor. That might do more harm than leaving it there."

Tuvok chose this point in the discussion to offer his opinion. "The Captain is under attack. We must act."

A long moment passed as Chakotay weighed his options. Finally, he said, "I'm inclined to agree. Doctor, monitor her closely. Mister Kim, prepare to disrupt the beam. We're going to try to cut this cord."


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: See Teaser.

ACT 3

Ressik, 1384 by Earth's calendar

In the twelve years since Ressik's symbolic tree had first been planted, Kattan's drought had continued to worsen. In the town square, the citizen whose turn it was to tend the tree was watering it sparingly from a hand-held pot.

In the courtyard of Janeway and Alain's home, what had once been an abundantly blossoming flower garden was now a rock garden. A blond little six-year-old dressed in her special-occasion best played happily among the rocks. Through the open entry door, the sound of a tender lullaby being played on a flute floated outside into the early afternoon sunshine.

An visibly older Janeway stood on the upper level just behind the archway in the main room of the home, playing the sweet lullaby to the infant son cradled and gently rocked in Alain's arms. The three were surrounded by family and friends, gathered to watch this ritual ceremony.

As the lullaby continued to float out into the courtyard, six year old Meribor came running partway into the room, before stopping to watch. She swung her arms and shifted restlessly from one foot to another until Alain spoke to her softly.

"Meribor, this is your brother's naming ceremony; now don't fidget."

The little girl dutifully complied, and stood quietly until the lullaby ended. Janeway turned to smile at Alain, and then addressed the guests.

"We name this child for a dear friend who died last year, but who will now live on through his namesake."

Alain looked at the baby and said, "We name you - Batai. In his honor."

Janeway now turned her full attention to the guests and said, "He's starting life in the warmth of friends. Thank you." She motioned to a long table in front of her, laden with food and drink to celebrate the happy occasion. "Please, help yourselves to something to eat," she said.

As the audience of guests went to the table to enjoy the fare, quiet music began to play. The happy parents stepped down from the upper level to one side of the main room, where a family friend took baby Batai from Alain, while another congratulated Janeway on her new son. Meribor stood with them for a moment until her mother shooed her off to visit with their guests, leaving Janeway momentarily alone with her husband.

"It seems like just yesterday that we had Meribor's naming ceremony," Alain said.

"I remember," Janeway said. "I was so nervous I thought I might drop her." She smiled at the sight of her daughter playing with one of the adults across the room and said, "Now look at her – a little lady."

Alain snorted a laugh and relaxed back against the wall. He said, "She's no lady, tromping though the hills with you all day, digging those soil samples you insist on collecting. No, she's her mother's daughter."

Janeway smiled, and then grew a bit pensive. Alain noticed her change of mood and asked, "What is it?"

Janeway smiled ruefully and then made an admission. "I'd thought about having children someday, but always felt I didn't need them to make my life complete. Now I can't imagine a day without Meribor or Batai."

Alain gave her a warm smile and stroked her arm. He moved to embrace her, his face reflecting his silent, joyous knowledge of what she was feeling. He had just taken her into his arms for a long moment when he felt Janeway stiffen against him and moan in pain. Alain drew back and saw the surprised grimace on his wife's face. Janeway moaned again, took a deep, shuddering breath, and clutched her left arm.

"Kamina!" Alain cried out in alarm.

Janeway began to gasp for air. She sank to her knees and then to the floor, finally rolling onto her back.

"Get the Doctor – hurry!" Alain shouted. He leaned over his wife, gently stroking her face to comfort her.

*****

Voyager, 2372

Bridge

Chakotay stood well back to allow the Doctor to work on his still unconscious Captain. Kim and Tuvok were at their stations, continuing to monitor the probe. The Doctor was bent over Janeway, frantically trying to revive her, with Kes and Paris at his side. Janeway was gasping for air.

"Her respiratory system is in spasm. Pulse is irregular and weakening. I'm losing her," said the EMH.

Kes read the instruments and said, "I'm getting massive somatophysical failure."

"Two cc's delactovine," ordered the EMH.

Paris loaded a hypospray and handed it to him. The Doctor quickly administered the injection, but Janeway continued to gasp for air.

"Kim, get that beam back," Chakotay ordered.

"There are severe fluctuations in the isocortex," said Kes, as Janeway began to convulse. "Synaptic responses are failing."

"Begin full cardiac induction," ordered the Doctor. Paris placed one of the instruments Kes had brought from Sickbay onto Janeway's chest and activated it, but with no result.

Kes continued to monitor readings as Paris assisted the Doctor with the Captain. "Blood pressure is dropping rapidly… seventy over twenty…"

"Kim, you have to re-establish that beam," snapped the EMH.

"I'm trying, Doctor."

"Losing response in the isocortex," Kes reported.

"Cortical stimulators." Paris affixed a set to either side of Janeway's head at the temples. "Start at ten percent," the EMH ordered.

"Doctor, the beam is fully restored," said Kim.

The Bridge crew waited anxiously for the cortical stimulators to have an effect. Finally, relief crossed Kes' face as she reported, "Blood pressure up to ninety over forty… and rising."

"Isocortical functions are stabilizing," said the Doctor. "Vital signs approaching normal levels." The Doctor continued to study his monitor and finally removed the cortical stimulators from Janeway.

Chakotay sagged against one of the command chairs, emotionally spent. The rest of the Bridge crew let out the collective breath they had been holding.

*****

Ressik, 1396 by Earth's calendar

Meribor, now a lovely, intelligent girl of 18, knelt in the courtyard of her home, while using a portable core sample-extraction machine. She was waiting for the device to measure the chemical content of the soil sample she had just taken.

"Meribor? Janeway called from inside the house.

The girl turned around and looked up with a radiant grin, reminiscent of her mother's. "Happy day, mother," she answered.

Janeway came into the courtyard from the house. The intervening twelve years since Batai's naming day had been kind to her. She was physically fit and healthy in appearance, despite being in her mid-sixties.

She leaned over her daughter's shoulder to see the test results and said with a wry smile, "Hey! That's my hobby. Find your own."

"You're the one who taught me," said Meribor. "Don't complain if you turned me into a scientist."

Janeway came over to her daughter and sat on a low wall next to her. "And what has the scientist been up to today?"

"Analyzing soil samples," Meribor answered. She gestured toward her readings and said, "There aren't any anaerobic bacteria. The soil is dead." She looked up at her mother with a grave expression on her face and asked, "This isn't just a long drought, is it?"

When Janeway didn't answer her, Meribor continued. "I have entries in my log that go back 10 years. You have data that precedes that by 15 years. You've reached the same conclusion, I know you have."

Janeway regarded her as a loving mother who would rather protect her daughter from the awareness of dire things. She answered tersely, "I haven't reached any conclusion. A good scientist doesn't function by conjecture."

Meribor was unfazed by the sharp tone in her mother's voice. "A good scientist functions by hypothesizing and then proving or disproving that hypothesis. That's what I did."

Janeway looked at her a moment longer and then asked, "Tell me, why don't you spend more time with that young fellow, Dannick?"

"You are changing the subject."

"No, I'm not. I'm just hypothesizing that he's in love with you."

Meribor refused to have her conclusions turned aside. "You've taught me to pursue the truth," she said, "no matter how painful it might be. It's too late to back off from that." She rose, collected her instruments, and continued. "I've analyzed the rings in old trees. I've examined the rock strata to correlate evidence of climatic changes over the centuries." She looked at Janeway with anguish. "Mother, this planet is dying."

Janeway sighed and shook her head before saying, "Perhaps I should have filled your head with trivial concerns – games and toys and clothes." She smiled gently at her daughter.

"I don't think you mean that."

"No, I don't," Janeway answered, "but it just saddens me to see you with the knowledge of things you can't change."

"It's no more a burden than you bear," said Meribor.

"But I'm not eighteen, with my life ahead of me."

Meribor considered her mother's words thoughtfully for a moment and then asked, "Mother? I think I should marry Dannick sooner rather than later, don't you?"

"I can only say…" A memory from Janeway's life before Ressik stirred just below consciousness. She hesitated for a moment, as though trying to remember a long-ago conversation. "Live now. Seize the time, Meribor. Make 'now' the most precious time. 'Now' will never come again."

"I love you, mother."

Meribor put her arm around her mother's waist, and Janeway reciprocated with an arm around her daughter's shoulders as they walked into the house.

*****

Voyager, 2372

Bridge

The Doctor, Tom Paris, and Kes continued to work over Janeway's unconscious form. Chakotay paced the deck, watching from behind them. Torres was at her engineering station, monitoring readouts; while Kim and Tuvok were at their posts, keeping an eye on the alien probe.

The Doctor finally stood and walked over to Chakotay to report, "Her vital signs are holding. They've been stable ever since the beam was restored." He sighed and said, "I don't know what more to do for her." Chakotay took a few steps toward the viewscreen, staring at the artifact in frustration.

Torres looked up from her console. "Chakotay, we've started to receive telemetry from the probe we launched."

"Go ahead."

"We've charted the radiation trail for over one light year," said Torres, reading off her console.

"Any way to extrapolate an origin?" Chakotay asked.

"Comparing these readings to star charts from Neelix's navigational database, I'd say it looks like a star system in the Silarian sector – Kataan."

"Kataan. Neelix has never mentioned it. Kim?"

"Apparently, it's an unmapped system of six planets," said Kim. "Neelix's star charts are a little vague in that region."

"Any of them inhabited?" asked the First Officer.

"Not any longer, sir," answered Kim. "The star went nova. All life in this system was destroyed approximately one thousand years ago."

Chakotay's eyes returned to the viewscreen again, his expression perplexed.


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: See Teaser.

ACT 4

Ressik, 1404 by Earth's calendar

In the eight years since Meribor had first reached her conclusions about Kattan's future, the drought had continued unabated. The symbolic tree planted by Batai in the town square 32 years earlier had long since died.

*****

Janeway was in the courtyard of her home, peering through a large telescope and occasionally entering data in her journal. Alain slowly came out of the house to join her. "I've put your shoes away for you again," he said.

"Yes, thank you, dear," Janeway said, without looking at him.

As Janeway turned away to enter notes in her journal, Alain carefully stepped over to the telescope and peered through it. "You know, I've been looking through this thing on and off for over thirty years, and I still don't see what you and Meribor find so fascinating."

"Fine," Janeway said as she moved back toward him. "Then maybe you'll sit down and have a rest the way you're supposed to."

Alain smacked her lightly on the shoulder. "Oh, you treat me like some frail flower. People have surgery all the time," he said.

"Ummm…"

The sound of a flute being played in the house drew Janeway's attention. She shook her head a little, and moved again to her telescope. Alain noted her reaction.

"He loves playing. And he's quite good at it, don't you think?"

"He loves doing a lot of things," Janeway said. "Last week all he wanted to do was be a botanist, the week before that, a sculptor. I wish he could find some focus in his life."

Alain caught the note of frustration in his wife's voice and quietly said, "I think he has."

She looked up at him from her work, surprised and curious. "Maybe you should talk to him," Alain said over his shoulder as he walked over to a bench to finally sit down.

Janeway realized that something was going on. "Batai?"

The music abruptly stopped, and young Batai, twenty, emerged from the house, carrying a flute.

"Mother."

"I get the feeling from your father that you have something to tell me."

Father and son exchanged quick glances, and Alain nodded.

"Yes," said young Batai. "I was waiting for the right moment, but that will never come." He paused for a moment, and then plunged ahead. "I'm leaving school."

Janeway was indignant. "Leaving school? No, you're not."

"I want to concentrate on my music. That's what I care about."

"Last year, all you cared about was mathematics," said Janeway. "The year before that it was botany. Now…"

"But through it all, there was my music. I think you know that, Mother." He stepped forward and took her hand. "This is the life I want."

Janeway looked at him, realizing that now that her son was grown, he would go his own way, regardless. "Well, we'll… discuss it," she said.

Young Batai smiled, suspecting that in the end, she would acquiesce. "Thank you, mother." He bounded back into the house. Janeway picked up her journal and leafed through it pensively.

"Even after all these years, you still have the ability to surprise me," said Alain.

"If music is what he wants, why should I stand in his way?" A bitter expression crossed her face as she set her journal down and came over to sit next to Alain on the bench. "Anyway, who knows how much time he'll have to follow _any_ dream?"

"Are you still planning to talk to the Administrator tomorrow?"

"Umm hmm," Janeway said, with a nod. "It's possible he'll dismiss me from the Council."

Unless, of course, you keep quiet," said Alain, looking intently into his wife's face.

Janeway met his gaze with a solemn expression on her face. "The evidence is too pronounced. I can't stay silent."

"What a surprise," said Alain with a gentle smile as he patted her arm.

*****

The following day, Janeway and the very same Administrator she had met that first day in Ressik were walking through the arcade on their way to the Council meeting. They took a step down onto the main level of the town square and began to cross it. Only a few people were walking about, so they were nearly alone. Janeway carried her journal under her arm.

"Kamina, what do you hope to accomplish?" asked the Administrator, waving his hand for emphasis. "Spreading rumors that the planet is doomed… there could be chaos."

"The facts are here," insisted Janeway as she slapped her journal. "At least show them to someone who will recognize what they mean."

"I won't be a party to your making trouble."

Janeway put her foot down. "Well then, if you won't take them, I most certainly will," she said, her voice rising.

The Administrator suddenly realized that their argument had drawn a few curious looks. He lifted a warning hand to Janeway, and then casually began to walk to a more private area of the square. Janeway fell in line with him.

The Administrator glanced around and then spoke quietly to Janeway. "Your observations, your findings -- our scientists reached those conclusions two years ago." She just stared at him, open-mouthed, and then looked away.

"Well, what did you expect us to do? Make it public? Can you imagine the effect?"

"But surely the technology exists to save something of this world," said Janeway, her voice quavering with dismay. "Perhaps some people could be evacuated."

"Evacuated to where? Our technology is limited. We're just beginning to launch small missiles."

"A collection of genetic samples, then – something, anything," she sputtered. "You simply can't let this civilization die."

"Enough!" snapped the Administrator. He knew when he was beaten. Lowering his voice, he said, "There is a plan in work. I cannot tell you more than that."

Before Janeway could press for additional details, she heard her son calling her.

"Mother!" Young Batai came barreling toward them, out of breath, his face pale. Janeway moved toward him, alarmed.

"What is it?"

"It's Father. Hurry."

*****

Janeway and Young Batai hurried into the main room of their home, where Alain lay back in the reclining chair, pale and blanket-covered. The doctor was just rising from examining his patient.

"Doctor?"

But the man simply shook his head and said, "Kamina, I'm sorry." Janeway set down her journal and rushed to kneel by her husband's side.

"You see? I'll go to any lengths to get your attention," said Alain.

"You always had a flair for the dramatic," she said, answering him in kind.

Alain looked over at the two men and said, "Thank you, Doctor. Batai, leave us alone for a moment. I want to talk to my wife." As they left the room, Alain asked, "Did you show the Administrator your evidence?" Worry was written on his face.

"I didn't have to. They already knew."

"So he won't throw you off the Council."

Janeway looked at him, not wanting to believe what was happening. She managed a tiny "no."

"Good," said Alain, as he gave his wife a warm smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. He reached up and stroked her cheek lightly as she struggled with her emotions. "Remember – put your shoes away."

"I will," she said, unable to stop her tears. Janeway watched her husband's face intently, and saw a single tear slide down his cheek as his eyes closed and his life slipped quietly away. She stared at him for a moment longer, and then buried her face in the folds of his blanket, weeping for the gentle man who had stayed by her side for so many years, and for the unimaginable life they had shared together, one she could never have foreseen the day she had looked up into his loving eyes for the very first time.


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: See Teaser.

ACT 5

Voyager, 2372

Bridge

The Doctor moved between his equipment and his patient. Janeway still lay unconscious on the deck, but her features were now composed, her breathing relaxed and even. Chakotay, however, was a picture of stymied frustration, pacing back and forth and occasionally stopping to stare out at the alien probe. Paris and Kes continued to study the medical monitors.

"Doctor…," said Kes.

"What is it?"

"I'm not sure," she answered. "She's showing physiological alterations. Her systemic readings are changing."

Paris glanced over to double check the monitor Kes had been reading. "So are her respiratory functions," he said.

"Is she in danger?" asked Chakotay.

"I don't know," responded the Doctor. "I don't understand what's happening. The changes are subtle, but…" The Doctor looked up at Chakotay. "If I didn't know better, I'd say these are the metabolic rates of an eighty year old woman."

Chakotay stared at the Doctor in astonishment.

*****

Ressik, 1417 by Earth's calendar

A somewhat frail but energetic eighty-six year old Janeway was on her hands and knees, playfully chasing a giggling six year old boy around the large reclining chair. Her grandson, Kamie, was playing keep-away with her old flute. Janeway hid behind the chair and then jumped out to surprise Kamie, who squealed with delight as his grandmother caught him by the ankle. She pushed her spectacles back up the bridge of her nose, and then moved in to begin tickling the boy.

"Some children are certainly making a lot of noise in here."

Janeway looked up to see Meribor, now in her late thirties, standing in the front doorway, watching the goings-on. She wore a wide-brimmed hat to protect herself from the intense sunlight. Stepping further indoors, she removed it and laid it on a table as she moved into the main room.

"You shouldn't be out there for so long," Janeway said. "It's damaging, you know that."

"I'm wearing plenty of your skin protector, Mother."

Janeway harrumphed. She turned to Kamie and asked, "Do you wear your skin protector outdoors, young man?" He nodded and laughed. "You do? Good boy." She reached over to tickle him again, and the boy's only response was another round of giggling.

Young Batai came into the house to join them. He was now in his early thirties, and also wore a wide-brimmed hat.

"Happy day, everybody!" he called out. "It's time to go see the launching."

"What 'launching'? What's he talking about?" asked Janeway. She looked up at her daughter.

"They are sending up a missile, mother," said Meribor. "We're going to watch it."

"Well," said Janeway, "I'm not going anywhere to watch anything," as she struggled to get up. Meribor moved to her mother to help her to her feet, but a crustily independent Janeway shook off her daughter's hand. Meribor and her brother shared an amused but affectionate look. Young Batai took his nephew's hand to lead him outside.

"Come on, Kamie; let's go see the launching," he said, as he grabbed a hat for Kamie and disappeared through the door with him.

Janeway just looked after them as she struggled to her feet. She settled herself into a chair and said, "Breaks my heart to look at him."

"Who?" asked Meribor.

"My grandson. Breaks my heart. He deserves a full rich life, and he's not going to get one."

Meribor collected her hat from the table and picked up one for her mother as well. "He's my child, and I tell you he is getting one. I wish it could be longer, but it's as full and rich as we can possibly make it." She turned back to see her mother staring at her, as though remembering the day she was born. Meribor gave her a smile, and gently put the second hat on her mother's head. Taking Janeway's hand, she said, "Please come, mother."

"Why didn't I hear about a launching?" Janeway asked, as she allowed herself to be helped from the chair and onto her feet. Meribor just laughed and led her mother from the house.

*****

They reached the town square, hand in hand, where a group of townspeople had gathered, all looking toward the sky in one direction.

"Did everyone know about this except me?" asked Janeway. She spotted a nearby bench and gestured toward it. Meribor helped her to sit and started to join her, but Janeway said, "I'll be all right, sitting here. You go off with the others. Hold onto my grandson, and watch the damned thing go up, for all the good it'll do." Meribor started toward the crowd when Janeway asked, "What is it they're launching?"

Meribor turned back to her with a warm smile. "You know about it, Mother. You've already seen it."

"Seen it? What are you talking about? I haven't seen any missile." Janeway held Meribor's gaze until she was startled by a familiar voice.

"Yes, you have, old friend. Don't you remember?"

Janeway looked in the direction of the voice to see a man sitting on the steps nearby. "Batai?" she asked, not believing her eyes.

Batai stood, looking as he did those many years ago. "You saw it," he said, "just before you came here." He moved closer to Janeway, and smiled. "We hoped our probe would encounter someone in the future – someone who could be a teacher, someone who could tell others about us."

Janeway digested these last words. She struggled to comprehend them through the haze of more than forty years of memories.

"A probe… that encounters… someone…" The mists began to part. "…someone in the future… oh…" A sense of awe filled her as she realized Batai's meaning. "It's me, isn't it? I'm the someone…" Tears slid down her face as she looked at Batai in amazement. "I'm the one they find. That's what this launching is – a probe that finds me… in the future."

"Yes, my love."

Janeway turned to see Alain standing in front of the long-dead symbolic tree, looking as he did on the day when she first made her commitment to him.

"Alain…"

"The rest of us have been gone for a thousand years," he said, reaching out his hands. Meribor, Young Batai, and Kamie joined him to stand together in loving farewell to Janeway. They in turn were joined by Batai, and several townspeople.

"If you remember what we were, and how we lived, then we'll have found life again."

"Alain…"

Janeway took off her hat to shade her eyes and started to reach out toward him when she heard a deep rumble that took her attention. The others continued to regard Janeway as she watched the missile's glowing point, followed by its vapor trail against the sky. She realized what it represented, and looked back at Alain, who spoke his final words to her.

"Now we live in you. Tell them of us, my darling."

*****

Voyager, 2372

Bridge

Janeway stirred slightly.

"Something's happening," said the Doctor, as Janeway began to regain consciousness. Chakotay moved in closer.

"The nucleonic beam has ceased, Commander," said Kim. "The probe has shut down."

"Her cerebral functions are stabilizing."

"Mr. Tuvok, put a tractor beam on the probe," said Chakotay. "I want it in Engineering for examination."

"Yes, Commander."

"What…," asked Janeway, in a very weak voice as she opened her eyes.

"Please, Captain. Don't get up too quickly," said the Doctor.

"Captain? This is _Voyager_… I'm Kathryn Janeway…" She looked into Chakotay's eyes. "How long?"

"At least twenty, maybe twenty-five minutes," answered Chakotay.

"Twenty-five minutes?"

Janeway struggled to her feet with Chakotay's and the Doctor's help. She was groggy, trying to re-orient herself to this reality after a lifetime's journey elsewhere.

"Captain, I want you in Sickbay now. I'd like to run a full diagnostic on you," said the Doctor, as he transferred himself back to sickbay.

It took Janeway a few moments to realize that she no longer was an old woman who was stooped and unsteady on her feet. "Very well, Doctor." She allowed Kes to help her to the turbolift, but turned to look back at Chakotay and said, "As soon as the Doctor's finished, I have a great deal to tell you." She just smiled at the puzzled expression on his face.

*****

Voyager, 2372

Janeway's Quarters

Several hours later, Janeway was alone in her quarters, slowly walking from place to place, reacquainting herself with her life on Voyager. The door chimed.

"Come."

Chakotay entered, carrying a metal box. "Hello, Kathryn. Feeling better?"

"Yes, but I find I'm having to rediscover that this is really my home," Janeway said as she picked up yet another personal object to examine.

"We wondered for quite a while if that probe was ever going to let go of you. I'm not surprised that you're still a little disoriented," Chakotay said with an understanding smile. "B'Elanna was able to open it up and examine it. Apparently, whatever locked onto you must have been self-terminating. It isn't functioning any longer."

He held out the box to Janeway, who took it and walked over to her desk to set it down. She opened the box and found her old flute resting inside. Lifting it to her lips, she began to play the sweet, thousand-year-old lullaby Kamina had written for Young Batai's naming day.

Chakotay listened, transfixed. He didn't utter a single word for several moments after the haunting melody had died away. Finally, he said, "I didn't know you played a musical instrument, Kathryn."

"I don't," she answered, "or rather, I didn't until today. I wrote that lullaby for my son's naming day ceremony."

"Your son?"

"A son, a daughter, a grandson, and a long marriage to a husband who reminded me very much of you," Janeway said with a smirk.

"Oh?"

"Have a seat, Chakotay," she said with a chuckle, "and can I get you anything?" Janeway replaced the flute in its case, and made her way to the replicator for a cup of coffee.

"Tea would be nice."

"Done." She punched in several commands, and turned back to him to say, "Somehow, I managed to live out more than forty years of what 'might have been' in twenty-five minutes."

"Might have been?"

"If I hadn't made the decision to strand all of us so far away from home and our loved ones," Janeway said. She brought their beverages over to the couch where Chakotay was already seated, and made herself comfortable near him.

"How many broken dreams am I responsible for, Chakotay?" she asked, turning to face him. "We've been in the Delta Quadrant for nearly two years. I imagine that Starfleet has declared _Voyager_ and its crew as lost in the line of duty by now. Our loved ones have probably mourned us and moved on."

"You're not saying you regret destroying the array, are you?"

"No, of course not," said Janeway. "It was the right thing to do. There was no way I was going to allow the Kazon to terrorize and destroy the Ocampa, but my experience with the probe has made me wonder more than usual about how different everyone's life would be if we'd been able to use the array to get home."

"Well, for starters, I'd be in detention in the New Zealand Penal Colony, along with a sizeable portion of the crew."

"And it's very possible that the Federation would be at war with the Cardassians or the Dominion by now."

"The Dominion?" asked Chakotay.

"A very powerful Gamma Quadrant alliance, Chakotay. They're about 2,000 years older than the Federation, and use genetically engineered soldiers to keep their members in line."

"Never heard of them."

"You probably wouldn't have," said Janeway. "You'd already left Starfleet by the time Headquarters had any substantive knowledge about the Dominion. Whatever information they gave out was restricted to command personnel with level 9 clearance and higher. We were thoroughly briefed and asked to keep our eyes open for any suspicious activity."

"Still, I'd have thought I would've heard something," Chakotay said. "The Maquis had a number of sympathizers pretty high up in the chain of command."

"Starfleet Intelligence wanted to downplay it until they knew more, Chakotay. They didn't want to start a panic over an unknown threat when people were already worried about the Cardassian situation. They found evidence in late 2370 that the Dominion was trying to plant a spy in Federation territory. Headquarters determined that his mission was to gather tactical information to be used for destabilizing the Alpha Quadrant so the Dominion could mount an invasion. They were behind the attack on New Bajor and the destruction of the USS Odyssey."

"I'd heard about New Bajor and the Odyssey, but none of the details. I remember being glad at the time there was no Maquis connection. I had no idea who was responsible for it."

"Now you do." Janeway sighed. "I don't know which is worse – not having any idea of what's going on back home, or having to deal with the Delta Quadrant's unending supply of little surprises."

"That probe must have really affected you if you're ruminating like this, Kathryn. You generally don't spend much time second guessing yourself or the future."

"I received 45 years of memories from someone living in a pre-warp civilization, Chakotay. It was every bit as real as sitting here talking to you right now."

"Sounds pretty intense."

"It was," she said. "I guess the letdown has gotten me thinking about missed possibilities. I'd probably be married to Mark by now, maybe even with a child."

"Maybe." Chakotay took a sip of his tea and then said, "Tell me about it, Kathryn. It must have been remarkable."

"I don't even know where to start. There was a moment after that beam locked onto me when all I saw was white light. When it finally cleared, I was looking up into a face I thought was yours until my eyes were able to focus again. Everything I could see told me that I was no longer on _Voyager_, but I just assumed it was some kind of holodeck program and called for the computer to end it. You can imagine my shock when nothing happened, and I found my communicator gone and that I was wearing a dress I didn't own and had never seen before.

Chakotay guffawed.

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I know you don't like surprises, and I just got a very clear mental image of what your face must have looked like."

"Very funny, Chakotay."

"Only after the fact," he said. "Were you frightened?"

"Surprisingly, no," she answered. Janeway took a sip of coffee and set the cup down on a nearby table. She leaned her arm on top of the back cushions and rested her chin in her palm. "That was the strange part. I knew instinctively that I was in no danger and could trust the people around me. I still made poor Alain's life miserable, though, when I kept insisting on being returned to my ship."

"Alain?"

"My husband."

"The one who reminded you of me."

Janeway blushed, much to Chakotay's amusement.

"Yes, him. And when I couldn't get a straight answer from poor Alain, I drove Council Leader Batai crazy with my questions, and that was just the first day in Ressik. They all thought I'd taken leave of my senses," Janeway said with a laugh, "but they made allowances for the fact that I'd been ill."

"Ill?"

"Apparently, the person whose memories I received had been sick for a week with a high fever. When I spent the next several days trying to contact _Voyager_, they just accepted it as residual delirium from the illness and humored me. My memories of everything here gradually faded into the background, until my life in Ressik took over. Now that I'm back, it's just the opposite -- I don't feel at home here in the 24th century yet."

"Give it time, Kathryn. You need to process the experience."

"You're right, I know," she said. Janeway paused for a moment to glance out of the viewport while she gathered her thoughts. She looked back at him and said, "Chakotay, these people were pre-warp. For them to create something that would record and preserve their civilization in this kind of detail is amazing. Forty-five years in twenty-five minutes..."

"I wish we knew more about how they did that," said Chakotay. "B'Elanna looked the probe over pretty thoroughly and doesn't have a clue as to how it worked. It would have made a wonderful archeological tool for taking cultural snapshots."

"This was more than a cultural snapshot, Chakotay. They knew their planet was dying. The sun was going nova, and Kataan was slowly burning up with drought. Batai told me at the end that they wanted to find someone who would be a teacher to tell others about them. Alain's last words were about how they now lived in me. They didn't want to be forgotten. You can't experience something like that and remain unaffected by it."

"You still haven't told me exactly what happened, Kathryn."

"I'll let you read the report when I finally have enough of a handle on this to be able to record a log. What I can tell you is that I led a very rich life, with a husband, two children, a grandchild, and many friends. I pursued a solution to the drought that was killing the planet with the same intensity that I searched for a cure for the virus that kept us on New Earth."

"And how did Alain react to your research?" asked Chakotay.

"He made a home for me, Chakotay. He tolerated my absences when I was gone for days on end, gathering soil samples. He supported me and was unendingly patient with my obsession for finding out the cause of the drought. He kept me focused in the present when all I really wanted to think about was the past or the future."

"Ever the scientist."

"I guess some things never change," Janeway said with a smile. She sighed and got up from the couch to walk over to where the flute lay on her desk. She took it from its case, ran her fingers lightly over the holes, and then walked over to the viewport with it. Janeway stood looking out at the stars for several moments. When she spoke again, her words were very soft. "I saw you there, I saw you then. The saddest words: what might have been."

"Kathryn?" Chakotay rose from the couch and came over to stand beside her.

"My life in Ressik was very full, Chakotay. My research, work, and family life fit together so naturally that I easily managed it all. There was no need for me to draw boundaries between my personal life and everything else." She paused briefly to let her words sink in before continuing. "I've spent the past few hours asking myself if I could possibly do the same on _Voyager_."

Chakotay held his breath as Kathryn turned to face him. "I had my very own 'angry warrior' by my side for many years on Kataan. He filled my life with love and joy, and I don't want to be without either any longer."

"You're saying…"

"When we were on New Earth, you told me that you wouldn't sacrifice the present for a future that may never come. I didn't understand the truth behind that until today," said Janeway. "There _was_ no future on Kataan, Chakotay – all they had was an eternal 'now.' I don't want to come to the end of this journey and find that I've missed out on the life I could have had if only I'd had the courage to try for it. 'Now' will never come again."

He moved in front of Janeway to draw her into his arms. "No, it won't, Kathryn. As much as we can hope to reach home soon, we still don't know when that will happen. It could be tomorrow, or seventy years from tomorrow, with our children running the ship. 'Now' is really the only time we have some control over."

Janeway relaxed into his arms and rested her head against his shoulder with a sigh and a smile. "Our children…," she whispered. After a few moments of thought, she pulled back slightly to look up at him and smirk. "Well, I'm certainly not getting any younger, but I don't want to rush this. _Voyager_ probably won't get home tomorrow, so let's take our time and enjoy getting to know one another. I'm not planning on asking you to build me any cradles just yet."

Chakotay laughed and said, "Well, why not? You've already written a lullaby for our first child."

Janeway just smiled and turned in his arms to look out again at the ribbons of warp stars streaming past. She leaned back against Chakotay's warm, solid body, put the Ressikan flute to her lips, and closed her eyes. The sound of Young Batai's lullaby spun out and filled the air with its sweet promise of remembrance, and of a future unimagined on the day _Voyager_ was first pulled so far away from home.


End file.
